Waiting is hard. This is a kind of waiting I have never done before. I feel like I am literally waiting for our world to be turned upside down. I am anticipating a chaos of good and bad, of love and enormous challenges. In some ways I feel like I am bracing myself. Yet there is really no reason to be living any differently. We continue about our normal days. In the back of my mind ever present is the knowledge that any time, any day, could be tomorrow or maybe next month the word could come. We could become parents at the drop of a hat. Parents to a dear, sweet child. Parents to a dear, sweet, hurt, traumatized child. A child that will most certainly rock our world.
The bedroom is ready. Our hearts are ready. Ready and waiting.
Sometimes I stay awake at night and can't sleep thinking of what could be, what might be and how I could, should or might respond. I imagine snuggles, and fun outings, I imagine otherworldly tantrums and messes as well. I'm not expecting it to be easy, but still look forward to parenthood with all my heart. Sometimes when I can't sleep I go and sit in the kid's room. I sit and I pray for the kids that will someday sleep there. I sit and pray for the wisdom and love I will need.
I wait. I pray. I wait.